Stupid o’clock … again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is stupid o’clock again and I am awake. The sweat has awakened me and now I am up. It comes upon me like a cold swampy feeling, under my boobs, my arms and legs. A great damp river of water and a feeling of immense chills which I cannot understand. And then I fall asleep again and the cycle begins over and over again, until I finally get up to attempt to break the cold sweaty cycles. I have endured this ‘menopause reboot’ symptom for two or three years now. It comes to steal my sleep and brings yet more distress to a body already reeling from the stomach stuff. They say its ‘night sweats’ and signfies the peri-menopause and yet for me its just another symptom of this body that doesn’t work very well. One night I had the sweats for seven straight hours, and in the morning I just cried and cried, feeling clammy, cold and again an alien in this body. There is such a feeling of helplessness when the body is doing things I cannot control. And peri-menopause is yet another chapter of me being left bewildered in the dark, with no compass to navigate by. And these situations are really testing me, and I feel again like the little boat bobbing up and down on the stormy waters of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This body is my home, and yet the home is not stable, and attempting to exist here is becoming more and more precarious. I feel like the repair people need to come in and begin the fixing process, and that feels good and also a bit scary. That feeling of having another person step across this threshold and going round the ‘house’ of this body with a torch and assessing what is damaged and needs fixing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so Mark’s plan is like the fixtures and fittings of what is needed to mend this broken house. And so it becomes a methodical one foot in front of the other to bring this ‘house’ up to scratch again. And I feel a sense of calmness is beginning to land here, and maybe a sense of hope is beginning to bud into life. Perhaps the foundations can be made more solid and the ‘mending’ be easier than I anticipate. And it is good to have Mark’s plan, as it gives me a road map to follow. And yes there may be pot holes to navigate, and yet in time the ‘house’, that is this body, will rejoice with a new coat of paint so to speak and will hopefully sit majestically on the horizon with a smile on her face again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Stupid o’clock … again! It is stupid o’clock again and I am awake. The sweat has awakened me and now I am up. It comes upon me like a cold swampy feeling, under my boobs, my arms and legs. A great damp river of water and a feeling of immense chills which I cannot understand. … Continue reading “A Slice of Susie”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-95","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/95","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=95"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/95\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":97,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/95\/revisions\/97"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=95"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=95"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=95"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}