Birthday Expectations<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have recently felt into a ‘nervous’ sensation that took root in the solar plexus. It was an uncomfortable feeling and words like overwhelm and dread have permeated my landscape. There is a part of me that just wants to shut the world out and retreat within. To be with the ‘within’ leads me back to myself where it feels quiet and safe. Perhaps there has been a sense of ‘too much’ and the ‘self’ that is me, has required deep solitude to recalibrate. I hadn’t experienced this level of anxiety for a long while and I’m wondering if it has been fuelled by the good and healthy days that this body has managed. To be well, has been my goal for so long, that when I reach it, I don’t quite know where I am. And maybe somewhere it feels too much and somehow I unconsciously sabotage that experience? I do not know. What I do know is that I have been attempting to push away this nervous feeling as something I do not want. And I start using my logical mind to question and berate, rather than ‘be’ with the experiences that are being felt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today there is a level of acceptance of where I am in this, and peace is coming back in. I am okay in the not okay-ness of the landscape. My birthday did not have to be a me feeling spectacular. I can decide to stay in bed if I like and that will be okay. I can decide that I am okay whatever happens, because I am me and that is okay. Birthdays come and birthdays go, and I am not limited by this birthday with me putting pressure on myself to be well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The belief ‘I must be well on my birthday’ is being torn up and rewritten and I feel a softening within. This begins to dissolve away the knots that got tangled in the stomach. It is okay to be ‘this me’ and I embrace her. She is where I am at and for now that is enough. And this birthday will be what it is and I will be okay however that manifests for me, right now. And with that sentiment I will rest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And as a footnote I had a lovely birthday, with a special birthday dinner with my husband and my son. And special days with all my lovely friends. Thank you darlings. xx<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Birthday Expectations I have recently felt into a ‘nervous’ sensation that took root in the solar plexus. It was an uncomfortable feeling and words like overwhelm and dread have permeated my landscape. There is a part of me that just wants to shut the world out and retreat within. To be with the ‘within’ leads … Continue reading “A Slice of Susie”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=155"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":156,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions\/156"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}