Untying Knots<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I recently had to cancel my going out day with my Bestie, and I resented it. This body is not playing fair, and I am weary by it. I spoke to Mark, the functional med guy. I told him I feel such a failure as I don’t feel anything has changed. And yet Mark reminded me that the healing process takes time and it is not an easy fix. He said that if he could wave a magic wand, then he would and he cannot. I wish I could wave that wand and heal it all. I was feeling sick of being patient and I was sick of the word acceptance. Acceptance be dammed. I don’t accept this sentence I have been given. I want my health back and I’m going all out to get it. I feel this is a fight I shall not win, and yet that belief serves me not. To soften that belief is a challenge and one I am going to have to get in the mud and the mire to undo. It feels like a tapestry of many stitches and at the middle is a tangled mess of unhelpful beliefs that feel impossible to shift. What would it be like to sit within the tangle of stitches and review this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tonight I unravelled a ball of wool onto a fancy device called a ‘Nostre Pinne’. It keeps the ball stable whilst you re-ravel it. The goal is a tangle free ball of yarn. This feels like a good metaphor for what I have embarked upon this year. Each knot needs detangling and my present situation represents a knot in the yarn. With patience (oh how I dislike that word!) and inner reflection, and then some action, the knot becomes looser and the ball becomes easier to manage. I will hold the image of the knot unravelling and I will attempt to feel into that image. An image to help the unwinding that which feels impossible. My secret weapons are my determination and diligence. I wanted to say patience, and yet I scored that word out with disgust. And I can use these tools in my current health situation. I wanted to say ‘crisis’ and yet again that is a belief that isn’t serving my recovery. So I shall say I am utilising my assets to aid my recovery from this. And I will hold the image of the unravelled ball of yarn and the knots being upended, as my evidence that I am doing this now. And that is enough and I am grateful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Untying Knots I recently had to cancel my going out day with my Bestie, and I resented it. This body is not playing fair, and I am weary by it. I spoke to Mark, the functional med guy. I told him I feel such a failure as I don’t feel anything has changed. And yet … Continue reading “A Slice of Susie”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":148,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145\/revisions\/148"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hillbury.net\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}