Coffee Breakups
I have woken with a low level of anxiety present. It is morning light, when usually it is 4 am and all is asleep. The clocks have ‘sprung forward’ this morning and as this month marches on, spring has sprung. I’m not sure that the weather agrees though, as it has been raining here for days, with no let up in sight.
The anxiety is here and I am striving to breathe through it. I had the functional med appointment and I’ve learnt about the things that have gone awry with this body. Phrases like leaky gut, SIBO, histamine intolerance and chronic fatigue. Knowing is one thing, fixing is another thing! I am now in ‘limbo’ waiting for Mark’s food plan which will help this body’s recovery. Whilst I’m waiting for the plan, I’m making little changes that I’m hoping will help.
I feel like the sinking ship at present and that the changes I am making are just plasters over water that has been leaking from many holes. This kind of works and yet feels such a small thing! And yet my changes are (I hope) gradually bringing the sinking ship back to life.
I am struggling to leave coffee behind, and yet it is not a friend to this body. Coffee is a ritual for me, the first sip in the morning gives me an immense feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. The coffee I drink with Simon in our favourite coffee house helps me feel grounded. And now the affair with coffee must end. Another ending to cope with! Probably many break-ups with food coming this year! Ah and that is emotionally hard, and physically frustrating!
The ritual of drinking coffee is my solace in a world that has felt out of control. Through Lockdown the coffee shop offered a drive thru service and everyday Simon and I would ‘go out’ and get coffee. Then we would sit in a carpark and pretend we were actually sitting in our coffee house. I got dressed up for the daily occasions of the coffee drive thru and it stopped me going completely insane. At that time I was feeling suffocated at not being able to meet up with my friends, so this was a small moment of the ‘new normal’. Oh those were hard days!
So my break up with coffee is not easy and I’m sad she’s leaving my life for a while. Maybe there is a compromise in that and maybe it is not forever. And maybe I will learn to live without her. I can at at least attempt that one, gradually perhaps!