My Love Affair with Knitting
I had some news recently that has been difficult to sit with. It probably will sound trivial saying it out loud and yet I have promised I will be honest with myself because there have been many years that I was not honest.
Okay, so here it is. My knitting teacher is shutting up shop. I will no longer be able to go to her for support and trouble shooting when the knitting goes wrong. And it feels like some of my grounding, or under pinning, has been taken away.
My love affair with knitting began at 17 when I was at college. Once a week I would sit in a class and was taught the basics of knitting. I learnt how to cast on and off and basic knitting stitches. Eventually I embarked on the first project – a thick jumper in a beautiful red colour. The jumper eventually was finished, ill fitting and rammed to the back of the wardrobe, never to see the light of day again! And so the knitting needles got put away for another few years.
My wonderful Grandad died and my Nan came to live with us. My Nan was blind and incredibly she still knitted! Nan knitted dish cloths with ease which were given to the Association for the Blind. I would help Nan count stitches and she showed me how to cast on neatly with the ‘continental method’ as Nan coined it. Knitting was shepherded back in and I began another project which in time… well – was relegated to the back of the wardrobe. The wardrobe of discarded knitting projects! The love affair with knitting was waning again.
Fast forward five or so years ago and the love affair was re-ignited. I searched for a knitting shop and a teacher. I found my knitting teacher in a little studio in Salisbury. Over the next two or three years, I learnt many old to new skills, made dish cloths aplenty, knitted squares for a blanket, and finally a jumper which I have indeed worn! I loved my knitting lessons with my teacher and grew in confidence and creative bliss. I started a lace pattern scarf and would often call into the shop when the pattern went wrong, which was rather often!
Then lockdown came and the knitting stopped again. My logic was that I didn’t have the physical hands on support and so I stopped knitting, thinking I wouldn’t be able to do this by myself. I feel sad that I took this decision and yet I totally understand why I did this.
Scroll forwards three years and I have begun to fall back in love with knitting again. I have many projects on the go and yet I feel back at the beginning, when I first walked into that knitting shop.
I thought I had more time with my knitting teacher, to regain my confidence and become more sure footed. And the realisation that this relationship is ending, has shocked me. I have never liked endings, and this ending feels extremely painful and raw. Knitting has been my saviour, my solace when times in my life have been difficult. The support I’ve had has been such a blessing in my life. It is difficult to comprehend that this support is now gone. I guess I am grieving that loss and I’m scared I will not be able to cope without my teacher’s support.
I feel this situation goes deeper than the knitting teacher and the knitting. It dovetails with my own feeling’s of inadequacy and not being able to cope. And yet working through my pain at this loss, I come to a place of knowing that I can find alternative means of support. I can sit with the panic and the scared parts of me. I can offer compassion and kindness and be honest with how I feel.
My knitting teacher and the knitting came back to me at a time when I greatly needed the grounding presence that knitting gives me. And my teacher acted as the reassuring presence, often in the background, and yet readily available for support. Maybe this is a recipe for good living in my life!
I am thankful that I have had this positive experience of support and the confidence to go back to a craft that I have loved. And when the shock settles, I will reaffirm that I will be okay and I will find other resources and people to help keep this love affair alive.
And now I can return to the day, more at peace than I was before. Thank you dear heart for your honesty. And thank you Heather, my incredible knitting teacher, for all that you have helped me to create these past years. I wish you well in your new ventures. x