Foundations
I have been thinking about teeth. I know a surprising subject for a blog post! I remember aged 3, running out of the dentist’s chair and running down the stairs and refusing to come back into the dental room. I remember the smell of cloves and the awful breath of the dentist. I cannot recall the dentist’s name, just that I hated him and that it felt like he took great pleasure in making me feel really scared. So I have had a fear of dentist’s and dental work since I was 3 years old!
Last night I broke a tooth. I was merrily snacking on a chocolate minstrel and wham bam my mouth felt weird. I thought it was a bit of chocolate or peanut stuck in my teeth, and when I brushed I realised with a feeling of doom that a piece had broken off the tooth. Then I started down the road of remembering THAT dentist and all the thoughts of being 3 came bubbling up again.
I reflect that teeth are the foundations of my life. Or I would clarify and say that my teeth are a symbol of my foundations being compromised. I reflect back to at time in the early 2000s when I first embarked on therapy. I went through a period of great exploration and my teeth became inflamed and an abscess formed and caused immense, crippling pain. And it was only the physical nerve of the tooth being severed, that gave me a reprieve from all that pain. And the physical pain said to me that the exploration of my head and heart was causing this, and I seriously began to believe that therapy was going to kill me. So I stopped going to my weekly sessions and stayed away with immense fear for six weeks, until my therapist sent me a letter and asked me to come back and talk about it. I felt that she was caring for me, ‘bothering with me’ (a phrase that came up alot in my therapy sessions) for the first time ever in my life and to this day I will be forever grateful that she got me to resume my exploration of my inner world.
So when the tooth broke off yesterday evening, I knew this was another sign that my foundations were being rocked. I had the appointment with the functional medical practitioner coming up today and I was feeling very hopeful, very scared, very optimistic about getting some relief from this body that has been ill for so long. And the tooth was showing me that there is a lot at stake for me here and I need to look within and find my inner strength to embark on this journey of discovering answers and then embarking on a new way of being with myself, with this body, with this life that I have.
Well I did the appointment and I went and got the tooth fixed. And I am slowly beginning this journey of healing. And yes the foundations have shifted, and the tooth has been sorted and I carry on for another day.
I remember that sad little girl who ran out of the dentist’s chair. I reflect that she has come a long way and compassion and kindness have been the things that have helped her. And now I am all grown up and I am facing my difficulties, slowly finding that compassion and kindness that I need to get better.