Unsticking Susie
I found my old knitting project and I’m revisiting the ‘how to’ of this intricate knitting design. The pattern is called feather and fan and its just beautiful, and also complicated! I have created half of the scarf , and I have another half to go. And here’s the dilemma, I have another quarter completed and another quarter to go. The pattern sits there on the needles and beckons me, and yet I am afraid to begin again, as I’m sure I will mess it up! It is fun and exciting to feel this desire to begin again… and yet also there is a ‘tightrope’ moment coming, when I begin the first stitch. It is fun to feel my enthusiasm stepping forward again, and yet the nerves are here also as I don’t even know the stitch pattern and will have to teach myself all over again. I have spent many months leading up to this moment and now I am beginning to feel like I can start over. It is a process that I’m finding helpful to physically and emotionally go through with this project. It is helping me to feel my way through it, rather than just utilising my logic. Logic often gets in my way and stops me in my tracks. When I ‘feel’ into something and let that be my guide, then the confidence grows and I feel more capable and competent to begin. And then the ‘beginning’ becomes a possibility and I tentatively more forward.
I believe this is a really good ‘recipe’ for living different areas of my life this year. I had felt ‘stuck’ for so long and the process of reigniting my passion with knitting is helping the process of ‘unsticking’ Susie. I rejoice in that statement. I am in the throes of unsticking the stuckness of me. Woo hoo! And going through the process of reuniting with my lovely knitting project, is totally transforming me from the outside, inwards.
For me, the creation of this scarf is so much more than just a scarf. It symbolises the process I have been through to get me to this point. I had the slightly sticky years, the stuck years, and now the resolution. I had just re-ignited my passion for knitting, then the lockdowns happened, and now I am picking it all up again. And yes it is a tentative process and I am scared of messing up, that is true. That’s true for most areas of my life. And yet I am willing to give it a go. And I’ve already asked fellow knitters for help and been gratified that they’ve taken the time to help me a little further along. And so I will practice the pattern again, remember the stitches and go forth and attempt that which I started four years ago. With a caveat that having fun in the process is what really matters! I forget that so often!
This ‘recipe’ demonstrates that I can pick up things and move on. I can deal with endings of things like my knitting teacher retiring, and then I can find another way to make things work for me. And the support, may have changed, and I have changed too. And yet I’m still on the journey. And yes I’m talking about knitting here, and yet I can identify my life and ‘me’ in this. Obstacles happen, stuckness happens, and yet the stuckness did not last forever. And when I feel into something I want to create, then anything is possible, including a lace scarf. I am living that possibility now. Long live knitting, thank you for coming back into my life. You’ve demonstrated that I can move on.